Framework of Mind

Hi, Hello
Allow me ramble a bit

Last week when i was having lunch with my friend, he drop me this piece:

"Hu, kalo aing tuh tinggal cari kerangka berpikirnya aja. Teuing kumaha, yang penting aing yakin pasti bisa."
"Nanti si kerangka pikiran aing bakal ngelihat hal2 yang bisa bikin aing jalan. Sebalikna oge, kalo urang dari awal ga yakin, si kerangka pikiran urang juga pasti cari2 alesan biar ga sampe ke tujuan urang"

This idea lingers in my head for quite awhile. Looking back now, maybe it looked like one of those scenes in inception movie.

*spinning totem wobbles*

Tonight feeling so weak, being sick all day, drowning in bad thoughts, i said to myself:

"Fuck this,
i should get fucking better.
I need to function tomorrow!"

Then i began to imagine creating this little construct hammering away my depression (my mind works visually). Various thoughts surfaces telling me this an exercise of futility, you couldn't possibly beat 10 years of depression, you can't help yourself you need someone to help you, etc.

Headache, sweats, and aching muscle torture me as i gave up to those thoughts.

About an hour later, i tried a new framework of thought, physics doesn't works in my realm of thoughts! i proceed imagining a little guy with cape to shatter images of my depression, demolish my fort of shame, and try to patronus away all the gray purple of bad thoughts.

Somehow my head feels a little bit lighter, my sinus clearing up, HOLY SHIT IT WORKS!

...

After getting some rest over weekend, now i feel better. Objectifying a frame of mind may not be the panacea for my mental illness, but i'll take this little victory.

(Or its actually is and this is my bad thoughts trying to undermine it?)

The war continues.